Unfortunately this weekend, I have managed to pick up a cold. Or something like a cold - I think it's more of a chest infection. It started with a sore throat, which is still a little bit there but is fading. I had a tickle at the back of my throat and a cough started to develop. Not a really bad one, but enought to let me know its there.
And of course. There came along my old friend. Asthma.
When people ask me - whats it like living with asthma? What are asthma attacks like? I try to say. But its not easy to describe something that 'healthy' people don't have.
To the first questions I can mostly say it doesn't really affect my life. Unless of course, I get a cold or chest infection or flu. The temperature can effect it. Exercise also has been known to set it off to. Even though its sounds like a lot - these factors generally only effect my asthma if two triggers are there. Although diseases have been known to hit off by itself. It has eventually improved over the years. I am nowhere near as bad as when I was little.
To the second question. Well perhaps I should explain what it actually is: the muscles of the air passages in the lungs spasm and the linings of these airways swell. This results in the airways becoming narrow and breathing becomes difficult. If you want to put it in terms of what it actually feels like - it's like being strangled from the inside.
I never thought as asthma being part of me - it was something I had but I never used it to define me. So when I had an asthma attack last night, it was something I was used to. It was mild. If I hadn't had (or even found my inhaler which thanks to a friend who nagged me to find it, I did) it on me, then I am pretty sure it would have been a lot worse.
Whenever I have an attack, I feel a vulnerability - there is nothing I can do to stop this attack. The only thing that does help is the inhaler. It makes me grateful to have the medical care that I do have. Otherwise I am certain I would not be sitting here today. However, this feeling of being umable to do anything, leads me to hate my body; its like its betraying me.
Anywho on a more interesting note, my database is almost finished. Just got to do a bit of coding. Which is not going to be fun. Did I just say that was interesting? :-S Oh dear....
Ellen x
Monday 31 January 2011
Tuesday 25 January 2011
I am musing....
For Get Writing - a literary event taking place in Feb which I will be attending - I decided to investigate some of the authors who are going to be there (when I say investigate I don't mean stalking). One of the authors recently contributed to the VWC's blog space - Leigh Russell- and I heard she had a blog so decided to read it and I was quite surprised by a particular post. (I recommend her blog btw)
Now at Blast, whenever someone finished a story, they said that it was a brilliant feeling; like they had really accomplished something. And don't get me wrong they had - it isn't easy to write a book when you're between the ages of 13-19. Most don't do it. It's rare someone does. Now, I was told after completing Blood Moon that I was the third person on there to finish a story of that length. Ok, am straying off the point here - what I was meant to say is that I know its an accomplishment. But when I finished Blood Moon I felt...nothing. Actually, I felt quite lost. I'd just finished something that had taken up seven months of my spare time doing...and now I had nothing to do.
On this post it mentioned something about it being an anti-climax (in the comments bit. I am nosy) and it never occurred to me before - finally something huge that I had undertaken was finished. It was done. Now I was left with what felt like...nothing. I had no new ideas. There was nothing screaming out to me to be written. I wrote one short story in that time (it wasn't brilliant) and I felt myself going a bit mad. My mind was demanding something to be written. Something to be created. It didn't matter what the hell it was, it just had to be something. And in a fit of madness or pure writing passion the poem Waiting was made. In I think about ten minutes. It was a long time after all.
For a few weeks after that, there really wasn't that much more that I wanted to write. I read the beginning of Blood Moon to the VWC - but it didn't feel right. My writing had changed enormously from when I had started. For better or worse am still not sure.
I was on a train to Brighton and was looking out the window. I noticed a station called Burgess Hill. It struck me then that it would be a really good name for a story. The idea followed a few weeks later. A notepad was bought (in Scotland, this was during the school holidays) and Burgess Hill was born. (For anyone who cares the surname of C is Inveroy - reference to Inveraray where the notepad was bought from) It wasn't the type of story that I am used to writing but it was different. That helped satisfy my need to write.
I tried out Burgess Hill on the Blastites. They seemed to like it. After a few weeks of gathering courage to read in front of the VWC (still do struggle with it. I blush every time I read. Highly embarrassing. I think my shyness is increased because a) they're all adults and b) they're all more experienced than me. They are lovely people though if a little intimidating) I read out the first bit of Burgess Hill. They seemed to like it.
I think I always will have a problem with my writing. I am one of those people who are never satisfied with their work. I always listen to the bad because I know that shows I have room for improvement. However I tend to only listen to the bad, which I need to sort out.
Anywho I shall stop boring you all with this. And tell you something interesting. My muse today is an orange cat with purple polka dots on it. Cos that is how I roll. *puts sunglasses on*
Am resisting the urge to write anymore of Underdog. I need to get Burgess Hill part one done before I can start writing that. Even though at the moment it feels like my notepad is calling to me.
Take care me dears and I hope you're muses visit you all tonight and inspire you to do something wonderful.
Ellen xxx
Now at Blast, whenever someone finished a story, they said that it was a brilliant feeling; like they had really accomplished something. And don't get me wrong they had - it isn't easy to write a book when you're between the ages of 13-19. Most don't do it. It's rare someone does. Now, I was told after completing Blood Moon that I was the third person on there to finish a story of that length. Ok, am straying off the point here - what I was meant to say is that I know its an accomplishment. But when I finished Blood Moon I felt...nothing. Actually, I felt quite lost. I'd just finished something that had taken up seven months of my spare time doing...and now I had nothing to do.
On this post it mentioned something about it being an anti-climax (in the comments bit. I am nosy) and it never occurred to me before - finally something huge that I had undertaken was finished. It was done. Now I was left with what felt like...nothing. I had no new ideas. There was nothing screaming out to me to be written. I wrote one short story in that time (it wasn't brilliant) and I felt myself going a bit mad. My mind was demanding something to be written. Something to be created. It didn't matter what the hell it was, it just had to be something. And in a fit of madness or pure writing passion the poem Waiting was made. In I think about ten minutes. It was a long time after all.
For a few weeks after that, there really wasn't that much more that I wanted to write. I read the beginning of Blood Moon to the VWC - but it didn't feel right. My writing had changed enormously from when I had started. For better or worse am still not sure.
I was on a train to Brighton and was looking out the window. I noticed a station called Burgess Hill. It struck me then that it would be a really good name for a story. The idea followed a few weeks later. A notepad was bought (in Scotland, this was during the school holidays) and Burgess Hill was born. (For anyone who cares the surname of C is Inveroy - reference to Inveraray where the notepad was bought from) It wasn't the type of story that I am used to writing but it was different. That helped satisfy my need to write.
I tried out Burgess Hill on the Blastites. They seemed to like it. After a few weeks of gathering courage to read in front of the VWC (still do struggle with it. I blush every time I read. Highly embarrassing. I think my shyness is increased because a) they're all adults and b) they're all more experienced than me. They are lovely people though if a little intimidating) I read out the first bit of Burgess Hill. They seemed to like it.
I think I always will have a problem with my writing. I am one of those people who are never satisfied with their work. I always listen to the bad because I know that shows I have room for improvement. However I tend to only listen to the bad, which I need to sort out.
Anywho I shall stop boring you all with this. And tell you something interesting. My muse today is an orange cat with purple polka dots on it. Cos that is how I roll. *puts sunglasses on*
Am resisting the urge to write anymore of Underdog. I need to get Burgess Hill part one done before I can start writing that. Even though at the moment it feels like my notepad is calling to me.
Take care me dears and I hope you're muses visit you all tonight and inspire you to do something wonderful.
Ellen xxx
Monday 24 January 2011
An unexpected stroke of inspiration
I've been told that ideas can come at 3am in the morning, whereupon you must write it down lest you should forget it. At first, I was like 'Someone waking up to write an idea down? You must be joking!' but, last night, I got my first visit from a night muse. I like to imagine the muse was green and could glow in the dark. It was also in a shape of a fox. What can I say? I have an odd imagination.
So...there I was, lying in bed, sometime after eleven, waiting for sleep to claim me. I started to feel it gently pull me under. It was then that the first three lines to a new story suddenly shot through my brain. Scrambling upright, I grabbed a new notepad - wrote the first three lines as best as I could considering how tired I was. Then sat down and stared at it.
I didn't really want to start a new story - the story I am working on now, Burgess Hill, I am determined to finish to show myself that I can do it - that I can write another novel. And I know I can. Yet Burgess Hill, I know, never had the same excitement that Blood Moon did - and in all fairness it was never supposed to - and with these three lines, I felt the old excitement bubbling up again. I know what this story is going to be. Its Blood Moon...but completely different.
This new story - Underdog it will be called - will feature the same two main protoganists: Izzy and James. Izzy will not be a shapeshifter - too complicated - she will be a werewolf. James will be a half demon. I still have yet to decide whether he will still be the son of Lucifer or a different demon. The plot is different. The characters revised in everything except first names. These names have always stood out to me...and I know I should probably keep them different since everything else in Underdog will be, but yet it seems to me that those names suit the characters as well as they did the unrevised versions. I am not abandoning Blood Moon - crucial parts of it are just the same. I am making it different.
But I must complete Burgess Hill. So therefore am going to try writing both. I've done that before. It didn't work out - but I was much younger then and a different writer to the one I am now. I am determined to make this work.
Sorry for rambling...just another new experience to add onto the list.
Ellen xx
So...there I was, lying in bed, sometime after eleven, waiting for sleep to claim me. I started to feel it gently pull me under. It was then that the first three lines to a new story suddenly shot through my brain. Scrambling upright, I grabbed a new notepad - wrote the first three lines as best as I could considering how tired I was. Then sat down and stared at it.
I didn't really want to start a new story - the story I am working on now, Burgess Hill, I am determined to finish to show myself that I can do it - that I can write another novel. And I know I can. Yet Burgess Hill, I know, never had the same excitement that Blood Moon did - and in all fairness it was never supposed to - and with these three lines, I felt the old excitement bubbling up again. I know what this story is going to be. Its Blood Moon...but completely different.
This new story - Underdog it will be called - will feature the same two main protoganists: Izzy and James. Izzy will not be a shapeshifter - too complicated - she will be a werewolf. James will be a half demon. I still have yet to decide whether he will still be the son of Lucifer or a different demon. The plot is different. The characters revised in everything except first names. These names have always stood out to me...and I know I should probably keep them different since everything else in Underdog will be, but yet it seems to me that those names suit the characters as well as they did the unrevised versions. I am not abandoning Blood Moon - crucial parts of it are just the same. I am making it different.
But I must complete Burgess Hill. So therefore am going to try writing both. I've done that before. It didn't work out - but I was much younger then and a different writer to the one I am now. I am determined to make this work.
Sorry for rambling...just another new experience to add onto the list.
Ellen xx
Thursday 20 January 2011
Something that's been on my mind....
Hey - sorry its been a while. Been v. busy with coursework and homework...and life in general. I am off to the theatre tonight to go and see Turn of the Screw, which should be entertaining.
Recently, I've been thinking about education - more specifically I've been thinking about our teachers trying to get us to learn about how we can combat climate change and the reward scheme they have in place at schools.
With climate change, they used to show us videos about it. They gave us facts and figures. Climate change is real. It's happening. But then they say: there's really no way to stop it. It's too late. The earth is warming up (as it does anyway but no one said that to us). For so many years I have spent my life trying to NOT think about climate change - I knew what it was; I knew what problems we would be faced with as a race, but yet I could not bring myself to fight it. The reason being that they had taught me that there was no point. It was going to happen - why fight it if it doesn't make a difference?
Yet with societies constant need to give us negative information, we always overlook the positives. Yes it is important to know the negatives, but should we only focus on those and use it as a way of fear to fight problems such as climate change? Or should we use a more powerful emotion like hope to spur us on? Now if only my teachers had said to me 'yes climate change will happen, BUT, we can make it better if we do....etc'. I would realise what I, as one person could do, and how that will help people then I would feel more motivated to do so.
I now make sure we have all the lights off before we leave the house and that all mobile phone chargers are left unplugged.
The second thing about education is: the reward system. Now this has always annoyed me. If teachers put more focus and effort in making sure that the consequences of negative actions are set in place, then doesn't that send the wrong message to students? It makes it sound like they only expect us to misbehave. And sadly. that is the behaviour we tend to conform with...why behave if no one cares about rewarding us for good behaviour? When I was in primary school - I loved it because I always felt my work was justly rewarded. There was little attention to negatives because they expected us to behave well. So we did. Now, it's 'you can't do this and blah blah blah' but for rewards...its 'do this I suppose you can have one of these....' They need to rethink their strategies. Don't get me wrong - I know there are always children who are going to misbehave but they shouldn't tar us with the same brush.
One nearby school RW has a brilliant reward system, and as far as I am aware they do not have the same problems that our school does. Eurgh.
Anywho, writing is going well. Suffering from a bit of a block at the moment but shall trudge on through it. Burgess Hill is starting to turn a little more complicated now...*smiles secretively*
Take care me lovelies
Ellen x
Recently, I've been thinking about education - more specifically I've been thinking about our teachers trying to get us to learn about how we can combat climate change and the reward scheme they have in place at schools.
With climate change, they used to show us videos about it. They gave us facts and figures. Climate change is real. It's happening. But then they say: there's really no way to stop it. It's too late. The earth is warming up (as it does anyway but no one said that to us). For so many years I have spent my life trying to NOT think about climate change - I knew what it was; I knew what problems we would be faced with as a race, but yet I could not bring myself to fight it. The reason being that they had taught me that there was no point. It was going to happen - why fight it if it doesn't make a difference?
Yet with societies constant need to give us negative information, we always overlook the positives. Yes it is important to know the negatives, but should we only focus on those and use it as a way of fear to fight problems such as climate change? Or should we use a more powerful emotion like hope to spur us on? Now if only my teachers had said to me 'yes climate change will happen, BUT, we can make it better if we do....etc'. I would realise what I, as one person could do, and how that will help people then I would feel more motivated to do so.
I now make sure we have all the lights off before we leave the house and that all mobile phone chargers are left unplugged.
The second thing about education is: the reward system. Now this has always annoyed me. If teachers put more focus and effort in making sure that the consequences of negative actions are set in place, then doesn't that send the wrong message to students? It makes it sound like they only expect us to misbehave. And sadly. that is the behaviour we tend to conform with...why behave if no one cares about rewarding us for good behaviour? When I was in primary school - I loved it because I always felt my work was justly rewarded. There was little attention to negatives because they expected us to behave well. So we did. Now, it's 'you can't do this and blah blah blah' but for rewards...its 'do this I suppose you can have one of these....' They need to rethink their strategies. Don't get me wrong - I know there are always children who are going to misbehave but they shouldn't tar us with the same brush.
One nearby school RW has a brilliant reward system, and as far as I am aware they do not have the same problems that our school does. Eurgh.
Anywho, writing is going well. Suffering from a bit of a block at the moment but shall trudge on through it. Burgess Hill is starting to turn a little more complicated now...*smiles secretively*
Take care me lovelies
Ellen x
Friday 14 January 2011
Time to sort some things out
Well, these past weeks have been quite stressful so am going to, from now on, take a control of my life and stay on top of things instead of letting things take control of me. And that means starting revision. Now.
Oh gosh, its that time again.*sigh* I am not a huge fan of revision but I really need to do it as I have three subjects to learn obscene amounts for in order to gain the grades I need.
I will try to write when I can - thinking of entering into a competition but still am not sure if I should go for it, but two people have said from the VWC to, so I might give it a go - and ever since writing that short story, I've been asked an interesting question:
'Do you think you can transcribe some of your methods to your more usual writing or was this a one-off piece?'
Honestly, the answer to that question still evades me. I think this particular short story was a stand alone...but, I think I could try and get under the characters skin a little more. At the moment I still hold myself at a distance from my characters - I think if I get too close, the characters might inevitably change into me, which I hope won't happen, cos quite frankly I am not brilliant writing material :-P
But yet...I do need to get more emotionally involved in the story. Or at least make the characters more emotionally readable if that makes any sense what so ever. But I think the short story was useful in that I didn't overwrite as much as I usually do. I've learnt how to cut to the emotion now, and I think I can do some changes. Like not using adverbs. (I dont use 'em that much but still - they are not friends)
Take care me dears
xx
Oh gosh, its that time again.*sigh* I am not a huge fan of revision but I really need to do it as I have three subjects to learn obscene amounts for in order to gain the grades I need.
I will try to write when I can - thinking of entering into a competition but still am not sure if I should go for it, but two people have said from the VWC to, so I might give it a go - and ever since writing that short story, I've been asked an interesting question:
'Do you think you can transcribe some of your methods to your more usual writing or was this a one-off piece?'
Honestly, the answer to that question still evades me. I think this particular short story was a stand alone...but, I think I could try and get under the characters skin a little more. At the moment I still hold myself at a distance from my characters - I think if I get too close, the characters might inevitably change into me, which I hope won't happen, cos quite frankly I am not brilliant writing material :-P
But yet...I do need to get more emotionally involved in the story. Or at least make the characters more emotionally readable if that makes any sense what so ever. But I think the short story was useful in that I didn't overwrite as much as I usually do. I've learnt how to cut to the emotion now, and I think I can do some changes. Like not using adverbs. (I dont use 'em that much but still - they are not friends)
Take care me dears
xx
Friday 7 January 2011
Looking back over the past year...
I was just sitting here, watching a video on Youtube and it suddenly occurred to me how far I've come. This time last year my first (proper) story, Blood Moon would be in the middle of being written. At this point I would have only been posting on BBC Blast and gaining feedback from there. I enjoyed writing. I felt a buzz from the release it gave me. And it made me happy to see everyone's feedback and that people were actually going back into previous threads and trampling through thousands of words to catch up with the story from the beginning (as well as the small fact that the producers of BBC Blast asked my permission whether they could use/talk about my story in one of their meetings, so that was pretty cool) It was that feeling then, that made me want to be a writer - to provide an escape for readers. I gained joy from them enjoying the story. And I dont think I've ever said how much I appreciate the people who did read Blood Moon. I know it wasn't a brilliant story; there were so many errors in it, but yet, I look back at it fondly. I didn't care whether it was published and I knew it would never be, but I was ok with that, because it took me on a journey; I developed my writing in those seven months it took me to write it and it was worthwhile. It taught me that just because something isn't published doesn't mean it wasn't worth writing.
And am pretty sure everyone has had enough of me talking about my writing but...it defines me as a person. Its now part of who I am (as well as being a maniac when given too much sugar). I then (after much persuasion from people of said Blast) decided to have a look into a writers circle. In all honesty it sounded like a big step - from posting things from website to actually doing it front of people - and I wasn't overly sure I was ready for it. But I decided to give it a go.
Although I did drag one of my best friends with me along on the first meeting because I was too much of a coward to go on my own. It was interesting to say the least. And the quality of work I heard made me think that perhaps I was a bit err inexperienced to join. But I went again. And again. And again. I finally read out loud - one of the most nervewrecking experiences of my life. And since then I've *tried* to overcome my shyness but it really didn't work (Open Mic night springs to mind).
And my poem, Waiting, is going to be published in my writers circle anthology...A year later and I'm having something published. It's been a wonderful rollarcoaster of a year. I've met so many people who are brilliant and inspiring. They are my teachers but also my friends and I've been so lucky to have met them all.
So to Blast (which sadly has now closed but thankfully the boards have been relocated elsewhere) and to VWC - thank you. For everything.
Ellen x
And am pretty sure everyone has had enough of me talking about my writing but...it defines me as a person. Its now part of who I am (as well as being a maniac when given too much sugar). I then (after much persuasion from people of said Blast) decided to have a look into a writers circle. In all honesty it sounded like a big step - from posting things from website to actually doing it front of people - and I wasn't overly sure I was ready for it. But I decided to give it a go.
Although I did drag one of my best friends with me along on the first meeting because I was too much of a coward to go on my own. It was interesting to say the least. And the quality of work I heard made me think that perhaps I was a bit err inexperienced to join. But I went again. And again. And again. I finally read out loud - one of the most nervewrecking experiences of my life. And since then I've *tried* to overcome my shyness but it really didn't work (Open Mic night springs to mind).
And my poem, Waiting, is going to be published in my writers circle anthology...A year later and I'm having something published. It's been a wonderful rollarcoaster of a year. I've met so many people who are brilliant and inspiring. They are my teachers but also my friends and I've been so lucky to have met them all.
So to Blast (which sadly has now closed but thankfully the boards have been relocated elsewhere) and to VWC - thank you. For everything.
Ellen x
Tuesday 4 January 2011
Short Story
Well I have finished my short story (first draft) and I guess its ok (this is me really trying not to say that it sucks) and its based upon the song by Coldplay The Scientist. I always have an image of two ice skaters (dont ask me why) and I kinda based the story upon that - one in red and one in black. Its not the happiest story but its one that could be seen to have a sorta happy ending if you want to interpret it that way.
And this is the song in question.
Am back at school tomorrow and shall try to blog as soon as I can.
Ellen x
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